just need to vent

Little miss is still on the vent, intubated. I hate seeing her like that, but it's in her best interest right now so she can finally rest and heal. The docs have her slightly sedated so she doesn't get agitated with the tube. I've been researching all day kiddos that have this syndrome that share the same apnea problem. It could be as small as a positioning/needing time to outgrow it issue or as complicated as needing surgery to correct problems in the airway. And I actually found 2 kiddos in KY with this syndrome but still awaiting feedback. All this time, Jon and I thought we were the only one with a child with PKS in KY.
On a side note, I visited my OB today. I thought about cancelling considering this weeks events, but needed to go for follow up. It was hard on this momma walking into a room full of pregnant women and healthy babies. And the little ?s asked by nursing who are completely unaware of your situation not realizing their little ? Just ripped your heart in two for the thousandth time that day. I find myself not being able to hold it together no matter where I go. My emotions are all over the place-angry, why me?, why HER?, is she going to make it?, will my family make it through this. I think of the future and how completely terrified I am of raising a child with special needs. How was life ever meant to be this hard? Sorry about the rant...praying for strength to stay strong for my 3 kiddos. Praying in thanks for Brayden & Alayna. They have no idea what they mean to me and how they get me through each day. They were literally like a breath of fresh air seeing them today after being at hospital since Monday.